PRODUCT REVIEW

DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY!

MAGIC MESH

(as seen on TV)
"hands-free screen door"
Only $19.95 
          --- BUT WAIT!
Call NOW &  we'll send you not one, but TWO* Magic Mesh!!!
(*You just pay separate Shipping & Handling)
But first, let me set the stage:
Our sliding glass patio door is 35 years old. The screen was trashed when we bought the house 24 years ago, so we removed it and never got around to replacing/repairing it (if that's even possible). All these years we've sweltered in the spring with the door shut, when we might have enjoyed cool southerly breezes. The door itself barely runs along its track. It takes the strength of Hercules to open and close the damn thing. Periodically my clever husband will lube it with Pam (yes, Pam!), so it has a gunky build-up in the tracks.
          We're not ready to replace the door. We have a few more years until we can access our retirement savings, and we don't know if we want to build on a room to This Old Shack or go back into debt and build a new house out in the woods. In the meantime, it seems silly to install a new door. (It seemed silly until today!)
          When we saw the ad for the amazing Magic Mesh Hands-Free Screen Door on TV, it sure looked like a miracle product. Keep Fresh Air In and Bugs Out! Great for Pets Too! Installs in Seconds!
          But I refuse to buy products I see on TV. Once they get your phone number, you've established yourself as their customer and they can call you any time and probably sell your number to anyone they want. So there goes the good-old DO NOT CALL list. But these miracle gadgets routinely show up in Walmart and other stores (you just don't get two for the price of one), so I waited and sure enough, Walmart got them in.
          So I plunked down my 20 bucks and we were ready! Installs in seconds? Fergitaboudit! 60 seconds times 45 minutes is more like it. First we had to figure out the directions and then adapt them to our particular door. You have a dozen Velcro strips. That's 24 pieces of stubborn backing paper to peel off (a good 10-15 minutes of frustration there). 
          We finally got it up. There are gaps were it fits up to the door frame. We had to affix it on one side to the stationary glass panel of the door, so there's a gap from the door frame at the top corner that a robin could fly through. To have it fit right, with no gaps, you'd need a solid strip of Velcro on all three sides. Of course the bottom is left hanging free, and the magnets don't always line up right when it closes (more gaps there).  With a breeze blowing in, it usually doesn't close all the way at the bottom. How long do you suppose it'll take for our outdoor cat to figure that out?
           Beary, our dog (seen above modeling his new portal) just loves it.  He's been running in and out like it's a new toy. Sometimes it closes right; more often it has gaps.
          So, anyway, the wasps, buffalo gnats, Asian ladybugs, and mosquitoes will be able to come and go as they please. If we're lucky, we may have a week or two before they come out in full force. Then we'll rip the stupid thing down and chuck it in the trashcan. And be back to square one.
          That expensive patio door replacement is looking better than ever at this point.